So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
