who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
