everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
