i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
