...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am spending my child support on dildos
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
