I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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