my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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