That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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