What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
