it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
