I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
