That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
