I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
