Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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