She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize