so explain again why im purple
no
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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