If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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