I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All the doctor said was why
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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