Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize