I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
