it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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