Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize