Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
