I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
