dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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