If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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