i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
