Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Randomize
