a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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