I'm really into asian looking animals
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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