I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
