I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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