Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
