Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
