Apparently you make a good broom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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