My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
