there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Terrible idea I love it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
