I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
