Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
