My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
