I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize