I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
