did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
