Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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