there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
