watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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