Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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