I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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