Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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