I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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