**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
