sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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