So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
