I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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