There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
