All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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