Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
