yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
