I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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