So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
