How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
