im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
