I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
