but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
