I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
