toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
