Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got inside last night via doggy door
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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