so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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