You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
