"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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