We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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