good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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