I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
