I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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