things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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