she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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