That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
